I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
