We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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