she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
