I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
