your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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