And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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