wakey wakey hands off snakey
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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