I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
