Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
