mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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