it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
