I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize