and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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