I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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