I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
