dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
