..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
