No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
