The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
