Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
