I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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