every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
