u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
