so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
