Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
