You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
