so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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