when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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