There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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