I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
