with your own penis?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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