Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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