I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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