so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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