like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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