Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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