Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
