we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
