He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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