im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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