I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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