if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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