Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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