I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize