you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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