I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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