I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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