he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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