Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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