remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You brought string cheese to the strip club
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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