I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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