we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
