So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
