I think im going to throw up on grandma
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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