Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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