I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
