how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Still dying that you shit outside
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
