I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize