My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
