If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
