The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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