True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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