He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
