And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
