Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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