No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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