How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
