what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
