Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
