so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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